Five Values You and Your Child Can’t Live Without | Rakesh Malhotra

“If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.” – Mother Teresa

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Peace signs and peace demonstrations. Peace in the heart, peace in the home. Peace of mind and peace of spirit. Peace, a state of harmony and calm that is characterized by a lack of violence, can be found in many shapes and forms.  The English word was derived more than 700 years ago from the Hebrew word “shalom,” which means safety, prosperity and friendship. Since that time, the word “peace” has been used to connote lack of war, goodwill among others and a calm internal state, among others.
Peace is a universal value, which, like love, compassion, integrity, respect and responsibility, can be found on every continent, every country, every state, city, town and neighborhood. Peace is diverse and knows no nationality, geography, culture or race. As a general rule, the more widespread peace is, the more unity, happiness and accord will exist among tribes, cultures, governments, families and friends.
Inner peace is a particularly prized state, since someone who experiences inner peace is better prepared to deal with personal and global challenges and discord, can enjoy true happiness regardless of what is going on around him or her, and experiences a genuine state of calm, joy and understanding.
In addition, there are a variety of peace prizes awarded to leaders in the peace community. The most remarkable of these are the Nobel Peace Prize, given annually by the Nobel committee to a person or persons who actively work for peace, and the International Gandhi Peace Prize, which was named after Mahatma Gandhi, the former leader of India, and is awarded to people and institutions that contribute to political, social and economic peace through their non-violent methods. Notably, these distinguished awards can be earned by anyone, regardless of race, creed, sex, age or nationality.

Likewise, the United States Institute of Peace is an independent, nonpartisan conflict management group created by Congress “to prevent and mitigate international conflict without resorting to violence.” The center works to save lives and increase the government’s ability to manage conflicts. Peace is a powerful concept that pervades government institutions all the way down to individual lives.
In addition, the idea of peace has spread to schools (Peace College in Raleigh, North Carolina), institutions (the Peace Corps), drinks (Peace Coffee), songs (“Imagine” by John Lennon) and more. There are even Twitter and Facebook groups dedicated exclusively to peace. While peace protestors wearing tie-dye t-shirts and waving peace signs were more prominent in the 1960s, symbols of peace continue to proliferate today, in homage to the idea that peace is important, no matter what the year, location or world circumstances.
Parents, caregivers, leaders and individuals who are seeking to create more peace can start with the concept of inner peace.
Ask yourself:

• How can I create more peace in my life?
• Where can I be more peaceful and less angry?
• How can I show others that I am committed to peace?
• What do I need to let go of or invite into my life?

Examining your own life history is a great place to start identifying and spreading peace.

Then, you can share written and verbal stories and songs with children that espouse peace over violence, discuss current world events (both peaceful and violent ones) and their impact on others, and remind your children and family members of the value of peace in the world. When you see acts of anger or violence, be willing to point them out and discuss them. Likewise, when you see acts of peace, be willing to celebrate them.

Further, you can get involved in peaceful activities in your community, whether it is a march for peace or a peaceful cause, a meditation group focused on cultivating inner peace or a nonprofit organization that helps victims of violence get back on their feet. There are a variety of small and large actions you can take to make your household, neighborhood, community and world at large a more peaceful place.

Unfortunately, acts of violence among children – shootings at Columbine High School in Colorado and Virginia Tech University, among others, as well as the fact that more than 13 million school kids will be bullied this year – sometimes seem to be more prominent than acts of peace. While these horrific incidents serve to spread an environment of mistrust, hatred and confusion, peace, love, compassion, integrity, respect and responsibility can counteract the weight of anger in the world. Applying a peaceful attitude and peaceful actions when dealing with children can help to foster more love and less hate in the world.

At first blush, peace might seem like more of an abstract concept than a tangible goal, but true peace, the kind that starts within, can spread like wildfire, changing ideas, lives and communities in the process.

Peaceful thoughts lead to peaceful words, which lead to peaceful actions. When you find peace in your mind, it’s easier to speak and communicate with peaceful intentions, leading to more peaceful interactions in your life.

Action speak louder than words so… Walk Your Talk.

Integrity is a global value - Rakesh Malhotra

“Be impeccable with your word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the
word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the
direction of truth and love.” –Miguel Angel Ruiz

A building has integrity when it is built with solid, long-lasting materials. A hypothesis has integrity when it can be tested and proven via a series of scientific methods. And a person is said to have integrity when he or she acts with honesty, consistency and goodness.

Interestingly, the word integrity is derived from the Latin “integer,” which means whole or complete. To that end, integrity is a complete set of values that allow someone to think, speak and act with integrity on a holistic level.

While some values can be specific to a culture or geography, integrity is a global, universal value, like love, compassion, peace, respect and responsibility. Integrity knows no boundaries in terms of location, age, gender, class, culture, race or religion. Indeed, integrity is a human value
that, when it transcends the globe, serves to make people happier, more peaceful, more aware and more thoughtful.

Integrity can seem like an abstract value or concept, but it becomes pretty clear when you start evaluating kids’ habits. According to a recent CNN report, about 85 percent of kids say that they have cheated by the time they graduate from high school, whether it is copying a neighbor’s
math test, plagiarizing from the Internet, a library book or another source, texting answers during tests and more. While younger kids are more guileless and innocent about cheating and may not even realize that it’s wrong right away, it is important to address this issue – with
integrity – early on, so that children grown up understanding the value of honesty and integrity.

Integrity is truly integral to an individual’s system of ethics, values and morals. As a parent, caregiver or child educator seeking to teach and show the value of integrity, this process will involve both subjective and objective measures. You can discuss the concept as a whole, but you must also share specific, real-life examples of integrity in the community and world.

Consider the following tips for sharing the global value of integrity with the children in your life:
1. Be a role model. With kids, actions really do speak louder than words. If you are talking to your kids about integrity and its importance, but treating store clerks with impertinence or impatience, cheating your clients out of money or talking about your friends behind their backs, the message will get more than muddled. Let your kids see you greeting strangers with a smile, letting someone know if they gave you too much change for your purchase and avoiding the temptation to cut in line. Likewise, recognize other role models, from a celebrity to a neighbor to a teacher, who your kids can identify with.

2. Keep your promises. This is another big deal to kids – when you say that you are going to do something, do it. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Follow through, stay true to your word and keep your promises when it comes to parenting with integrity.

3. Talk. Talk about shows on TV that show people acting both with and without integrity. Talk about the latest local, national and international news stories. Talk about whether your children’s friends are cheating. Talk about your day. Be open to discussing whatever is on your children’s minds when it comes to the concept of integrity.

4. Have consequences. If you catch your child lying, cheating, stealing or otherwise acting without integrity, don’t let the action go unnoticed or unpunished. Make it clear what the consequences for this type of behavior are and then follow through.

5. Celebrate. On the other hand, when your kids do the right thing, acknowledge and celebrate their good behavior and let them know that you understand that it can be challenging to do the right thing sometimes. Whether it’s something as simple as your son giving credit to his sister for putting the dishes away or as large as growing and donating hair to Locks of Love, it’s important to recognize the good.

While philosophers talk about artistic integrity or professional integrity, personal integrity – the integrity of character and actions – is the most important value of integrity that you can teach your kids. When more people in the world act with integrity – thinking about others first and reaching out in line with their moral code – the world will be more whole, more complete and more alive with the global value of integrity.

Reconnecting with Our Compassion: A Few Steps

“Where there is love, there is life.” – Mahatma Gandhi

From the love of a parent to the love of a friend, from first love to lasting love, love is one of the preeminent guiding forces in the world. Loving people can see the world through clear and open eyes, make decisions with others’ best interests in mind, and learn to appreciate and celebrate the small things. Love can’t always be seen, but it can certainly be felt and understood. Love is universal, and, perhaps, the most important element in our lives and our relationships.Without love, it is nearly impossible to achieve the global values of compassion, peace, integrity, respect and responsibility. If you don’t love yourself, you will never feel at peace. If you can’t love others, you will lack compassion for the human experience. If you don’t know how to give love, it is harder to live a life of integrity. And if you don’t learn love from your parents and caregivers, you won’t have the same values of respect and responsibility.

Love comes in many shapes and sizes. After a parent or caregiver, a child’s first love might be a family dog or cat, a neighbor friend, or an activity involving music, reading or movement. It is important to not discourage any act of true love that a toddler expresses, even if it challenges a parent or teacher’s idea of what love looks like. If your daughter loves trucks, let her love trucks.

In addition, receiving love and learning to show love at a young age can help deter anger and violence in kids, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American Psychology Association, so the earlier you share, show and shower love, the better.  As a parent, teacher, citizen or leader, demonstrating love and the value of love is critical to teaching children respect, diversity, peace and joy in daily life.

Following are some additional tips for mirroring and espousing the value of love:

Start with yourself. If you don’t truly love and appreciate yourself, it will be evident in all of your other relationships. Start by making a list of things that you love about yourself.

Take a few minutes each day for self-appreciation. Finding the good in yourself will help you find the good in others as well.

Model love as a parent. Tell your children you love them every day. Let them know what you love about other people and experiences – even the challenging ones.

Try to encourage the word “love” rather than “hate” in conversations and outings. Unfortunately, many of us learn what love is by first learning what it is not. When you see examples of childhood bullying, acts of violence in the world or local news, unhealthy relationships or other instances that are clearly not love, be willing and open to discuss them as a family. Children need to understand that some people don’t act from love, but rather from fear, doubt or self-interest, and to learn to discern love from power plays, control and abuse.

Ask children to express the idea of love creatively – through an art project or writing or a story. Encourage expressions of affection as well.Do things that express love in some form, whether it’s volunteering as a family at a local food shelter, practicing yoga or meditation, spending time with relatives, helping neighbors with a gardening project or simply doing the things you love most.

Love is more than just words – it is also powerful, genuine actions. Love for your community, family, neighbors, friends, environment and self is all about generating good will and good deeds.

Try to be the bigger person. When you deal with a clerk who’s in a terrible mood, get cut off in traffic or are slighted by a friend, try to be more magnanimous, rather than sinking to the same level or declaring that that individual a terrible person. It will be challenging at first, but just think of it as a love test.Be the first to say “I love you.”

Love and wish-well to every soul in the world; dwell in love, and then you dwell in God; hate nothing but the evil that stirs in your heart.Love has inspired poets and sages, artists and actors, and the people you interact with every day. It is influenced by biology, psychology, philosophy and culture.

Love comes in all shapes and sizes. It can be platonic or romantic, short-lived or lifelong, shared by anyone of any age, any race, any gender, any location, and any vocation. Love is a building block for a healthy society, healthy relationships and healthy values. Love is empowering and enlightening.

In Love there is no fear. “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” –Timothy 1:7-

Love is more than just a Valentine’s Day convention, more than just a passionate affair, more than a family. Love is truly universal. Let your love shine as a shining example for others. Love is the foundation of human relationships. Love is what makes the world go round.

People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances! I believe in karma: action, hard work, persistence and discipline. It is amazing how far hard work and persistence along with absolute determination can get you. Human potential is unlimited and possibilities are immense. Spanx founder Sara Blakely is the classic example; she embarks her journey at the age of 29 with $5000 dollars together with clear vision, determination and passion. Fifteen year later, at 41, she is the youngest women to join the world’s billionaire’s list. Today, she owns 100% of the private company, has zero debt, has never taken outside investment and hasn’t spent a nickel on advertising.  Here are the success tips that  were shared in her recent interview:

• Differentiate yourself: Why are you different?
• What’s important about you?
• Why does the customer need you?
• Visualize where you are headed: Clearly define where you are going to be in few years
• Trust you gut…and go with it
• Very important to be authentic:  Truly know who you are.
• Treat people kindly and be fair.
• Believe in Karma…Action is the most important and it works.
• Embrace what you do not know, especially in the beginning. What you don’t know can actually become your greatest asset as it ensures that you absolutely be doing things different from everybody else
• Don’t solicit feedback on your product or your idea or your business just for validation purposes. Be really careful about that, you want to tell people that can help move your idea forward but if you just looking to your friend, coworker, husband, wife for validation be careful because lot loving concern and lot of people will express concerns that can stop the multimillion dollar idea right in the tracks in the beginning.

You can watch her talking on Forbes TV network here 

Related articles

• Sara Blakely: Spanx a billion (independent.co.uk)
• Spanx founder Sara Blakely a billionaire (ajc.com)

Create an environment of equality, love, compassion, and respect

via dreamstime.com

Raising children is quite a challenge and it calls for total involvement, utmost attention and combination of emotional and intellectual expertise. The ultimate goal of parenting is to provide environment of love, respect, equality and facilitate the transformation of infancy into adulthood. Your parenting style could be detrimental to the growth and development of child. I would like to share an interesting article by Anita Gurian, Ph.D., clinical assistant professor of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at the NYU School of Medicine. The article provides useful insight on parenting styles and helpful tips to become an effective parent.

Different ways of discipline: Parenting styles
If you want considerate, cooperative, and flexible children, be their model.Think about your style of discipline. Researchers working with parents and children over the years have identified the three most common parenting styles: authoritarian/strict, authoritative/moderate, and permissive.

• The authoritarian, or extremely strict parent controls a child’s behavior and attitude by stressing obedience to authority and discouraging discussion. Extremely strict parents often rely on punishment.
• The moderate, or authoritative parent sets limits and relies on natural and logical consequences for children to learn from making their own mistakes. These parents set clear rules and explain why it’s important to follow them. Authoritative parents reason with their children and consider the child’s point of view even though they may not agree. They are firm, with kindness, warmth and love. They set high standards and encourage their children to be independent.
• The permissive, or indulgent parent exerts minimal control. Children are allowed to set their own rules and schedules and activities. Permissive parents do not generally demand the high levels of behavior that authoritarian and authoritative parents do.

The pressure of growing aspirations, high expectations, conflicting priorities, work related stress and time poverty has not only changed the traditional family functions but has also caused strains in relationships.  Lack of trust, misunderstanding, consistent abuse, violence, and infidelity are amongst the reasons for broken families. Family support is the most important factor for children’s growth and development. Inadequate support from parents has a negative impact on the children’s upbringing.  Such atmosphere is further fueled by the current state of the economy, therefore; the need of family bonding is much more than ever before. Family bestows love, affection, care, commitment, appreciation, and belonging.  It reflects our culture and values. How should we restore the importance of family as a robust and resilient institution, which not only nourishes psychological and emotional development but also provides socio-economic support?

Each one of us wants happiness and prosperity for our children and ourselves. How should we raise our children and impart human values deep within them? As parents, we must take the responsibility of good governance and direction. We must devise a structured road map that connects everyone in the family to accomplish goals and augment happiness. We often take things for granted and let life take its course. Isn’t it our responsibility to take time off to organize and manage our family and its affairs?  It is all about your family, and you have the power to decide what the best course is for your family.

I suggest a composition of an extensive roadmap that illustrates your family in the next five, ten, or fifteen years, and describes what you value the most as a family and why.

In The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families, author Stephen R.

Covey defines a family mission statement as “a combined, unified expression from all family members of what your family is all about   - what it is you really want to do and be-and the principles you choose to govern your family life.” One of the most important factors for the success of such a plan is discipline. After setting your goals, you must take desired actions in a timely fashion. Success has no shortcuts; it comes from consistent actions.  This should be done collaboratively as a family.  By involving the members of the family and agreeing on your goals will strengthen family values and connectivity.

There will be moments when you may not get along, have a difference of opinion, or a conflict of interest, however; these moments will be short lived, and your family will love you unconditionally and support you whole heartedly no matter what. Therefore, feel blessed to have a family and appreciate its importance and wellbeing.

How do you determine your family mission? Do you have shared goals? Share your advice! 

Related articles

• Personal Mission Statement (ayearofintention.wordpress.com)
• Create A Family Value’s List (grannyintraining.com)